Your Kids . . . According to Their Zodiac Signs

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It would be great if, along with the pillow-sized maxi pads, enormous mesh undies, and teeny-tiny diapers, someone would tuck a how-to manual inside our hospital bags when we take our new babies home. I don’t mean a generalized manifesto of “this is a baby and here’s how you keep it alive” — I mean a guide specifically geared toward the particular model we’re tasked with parenting. But let’s face it: coffeemakers come with more detailed instructions than babies do.

When it comes to raising our kids, it’s a guessing game, and their personalities are a huge factor in how easy it’ll be. We must navigate through life anticipating their reactions to certain scenarios, and they’re all different; one kid is clinging to our legs when we try to drop him off at day care, and the next one is trying to unbuckle herself and get out before the car even stops moving.

But there is a way we can be at least a little bit clued-in to our kids’ innate personalities, the things that make them tick (and the things that make them ticked-off): we can look at their zodiac signs. By knowing a little bit about the classic characteristics of our offspring’s ruling sign, we can gain some insight into what drives them. Flighty or fearless, bubbly or bashful, their traits can depend on their horoscope — and we’ve got the scoop on what to expect from each.

  1. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20)

    Capricorn kiddos are old souls, and you’ll sometimes marvel at their level of maturity (it can seem like they’re wise senior citizens living in young bodies). Because of this, they gravitate toward older friends, and adore spending time with Mom and Dad.

    They are ambitious and diligent, stable and consistent, and will actually help keep you on schedule; consistency is key for kids born under the sign of the Goat. Their determination is unwavering, but that can also mean they’re stubborn when it comes to any change in plans or deviation from their usual path. Introduce any changes slowly, and appreciate your little Capricorn’s love of stability — and unparalleled loyalty.

  2. Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)

    Fiercely independent and possessing a great need for personal space, Aquarian kids may not be the type to crave physical closeness (no “huggers” here!), but don’t be offended — it’s just that they’re too busy exploring their environment to spend much time being cuddled.

    From the time they’re babies, they’ll be poking their noses into every available nook and cranny, and by the time they’re teens, they’ll be begging you to allow them to travel alone (eek!). Adventure is the Aquarius kid’s middle name, and they tend to be on the unconventional side, preferring to dance to their own drummer. Prepare for a bit of rebellion if you attempt, as parents do, to rein your little Aquarian in. Allow for as much independence as you (and your child) can handle, and remember that a traditional path, in an Aquarian’s eyes, is not always the best one.

  3. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)

    Pisces kids are prone to — as Katy Perry would put it — catching “feels.” They are super sensitive to the energies around them, and their emotions run high. They wear their huge, open hearts on their sleeves, showing compassion and caring for the vulnerable without realizing that they, themselves, are vulnerable.

    Like a real live fish, your Pieces child may be a little on the shy side, seeking refuge in a hiding place from time to time. I hope the paint on your walls is washable, because sensitive Fish may find solace from emotional overload in anything artsy; Piscean kids have rich and fanciful imaginations and love being creative, whether through drawing or writing or simply acting out dramatic scenes with toys. Their considerate nature means they give ceaselessly of themselves, so make sure you refill their cup with a lot of love and nurturing.

  4. Aries (March 21-April 20)

    You’ve got an Aries? Better have insurance. And caffeine. Aries kiddos are spunky, energetic little fireballs who want to explore everything headfirst . . . whether you want them to or not. They possess a magnificent sense of determination, which will be a great asset when they get older, but may cause them to butt heads when their strong will clashes with yours (hey, their symbol is the ram, after all).

    They are natural-born leaders (read: kinda bossy) who can quickly become frustrated when things don’t go their way, but a few encouraging words and a pat on the back can quickly recharge your little Aries’s go-getter spirit. They love applause!

  5. Taurus (April 21-May 21)

    Have you ever heard the term “stubborn as a bull”? It’s accurate when it comes to the miniature bulls…

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